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2 months without you, nothing is the same.

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I can’t believe it’s been 2 months today since I said goodbye to my best friend, my protector, my baby boy, my hero. You were the most brave, amazing, courageous fighter I’ve ever know. You stared cancer in the face and declared it’d never win. You were right..we lived every day to the fullest, never wasted a moment, and learned to appreciate the small things. I will never again have the bond with anyone (human or otherwise) that I had with you – when I moved, you moved. I know you are now running pain free with all of your friends in a beautiful world, waiting for me. Not a single hour goes by that I don’t think of you – sometimes with laughter and smiles, sometimes with tears and anger..every day is different without you. Your sisters both miss you too..I think they think that I’m sleeping, but every night I see them. KaiKai gets down off mommy’s bed and curls up in your bed, and not 30 seconds later Meeky comes out from under the bed and sleeps on the floor next to her touching your bed. Like me, I think they feel close to you there. There’s a part of me that will never EVER be the same – a large part of me left with you, just like a large part of you stayed with me. But I have to believe that our journey was not one of sadness and agony, yet one of love and light…you taught me so much about life, love, and true friendship. Those lessons I will carry with me forever. Every sunset has more meaning, every flower more vibrant, every cool breeze full of all of these things I feel you here with me still. I long for the day that we will be reunited again. As I come to the bridge – arms outstretched and home free, I know that I will see you running to meet me..that big goofy grin, eyes wide and laughing, tongue hanging out the side, and your ears flapping in the wind. And until that day my bear, watch over me my guardian angel. Mommy loves you today, tomorrow, always.

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2 Responses to “2 months without you, nothing is the same.”

  1.   Michelle Says:

    I know it is still early in your grieving the hurt does let up some. Don’t get me wrong you will still hurt I still do and it’s been over a year. I talk to Sassy every single day and miss her every single day and always will. I know Bentley is with you and continues to watch over you.
    Watch for the signs

    Michelle & Angel Sassy

  2.   benny55 Says:

    This is such a beautifully articulated love letter to Bentley. Every single word is straight from your heart….so pure… soul deep.

    I’m so glad you posted today. This part of the journey is so very, very hard and should not be tried alone. There is NOTHING that even begins to compare to the intense and seemingly never ending grief of losing a tripawd. The lessons…their courage…their resiliency….the intense caregiving, you for Bentley, Bentley for you.

    Bentley jumped into our hearts with the first post…the first picture. We love him too….and we are so touched by the depth of your devotion to each other. You both gave it your all and never let that piece of crap disease rob you of one second of the joy you both shared…you loved being in the presence of each other…and you still are.

    I love that KaiKai and Meeky gently slip over to Bentley’s bed when they think you are asleep. Bentley is still there…they feel his presence.

    Thank you again for sharing this beautiful celebration of Bentley’s magnificent life! I don’t know if you’ve seen the Tripawds Alumni thread, but a lot of us hang out over there, offering support, sharing memories….hope you’ll check in from time to time.

    It’s so important to be surrounded by people who understand.

    Surrounding you with Bentley’s eternal love…and his eternal light…and our dogs definitely are an eternal light that can never be dimmed!

    Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle

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