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And today the sun is shining again..

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I have to tell you, when I sat down the other day to write/vent/cry/scream..I did not at all expect the responses that I got. Not that I didn’t know that I was part of an AMAZING, beyond amazing, no words to describe you amazing people group..but damn. I am sorry it has taken me so long to respond. It took me awhile to get through all of the messages. I want you to know that I cried with every one of you, hugged each and every one of you through the computer with every single message.

I really truly wanted to respond to every single message, because they were AMAZING. Seriously AMAZING. I was SO touched and honored, and TRULY felt like I had every single one of you cheering me on from the finish line. I hope you know that I am saving all of these, and I cherish every single one of you. I just know that if I sit to respond to every one – that is alot of time away from my sweet boy. So…

To those of you who have angels up there watching over us, whether you write often or just read posts and pray for all of us: thank you so much for reliving some of your pain and heartbreak to give me the advice and strength I need to finish my battle. I know that it must have been hard to go back to these moments that I’m living now in your battle with your babies, but from the bottom of my heart thank you. Thank you for the advice on how to ‘stay in the moment’ and ‘how to cope’ when it’s time to grieve. THANK YOU, and know that I know – that your sweet babies are up there still looking over my boy and when his day comes he will have a huge family of friends up there waiting for him.

To those who are currently fighting their battle, and going through what I’m going through right now: Thank you for taking time out of your struggle, out of your fight – to listen and lend a shoulder when I need it most. You should be focusing on just your baby and your battle because as we all know..they require every ounce of love and courage we can muster. But THANK YOU for sharing some of your courage with me, to pick me up and say, ‘let’s go, we can do this..together’. THANK YOU, and please give your babies a kiss for me and know that I will continue to think of you and send you strength in this difficult time.

So tonight after I got home I was still feeling pretty down – so I got a bottle of wine, and came out back with the dogs to get some fresh air. As I’m sitting here reading through messages of strength and courage and messages of hope and ‘living in the moment’. Bentley starts acting more like himself, he’s playing with toys, scarfed down his dinner, and relaxing in the yard with his sisters. All of a sudden, just as he did a couple weeks ago – he sits out on his hill and barks at me very loudly and just stares at me. I was still reading emails, so I set down the ipad, grabbed my wine – and went out and sat down next to him. Sure enough, he laid right now next to me leaning on me and just relaxed. His sisters then came and laid down with him too – they NEVER lay down next to each other and especially not for more than 2 seconds. That was my moment of awakening. Bentley is still here, he is still alive. And although my days with him are numbered – I have plenty of time to be sad and grieve without him here. Now is time to enjoy him. You are all SO right, I could not thank you enough for letting me vent, scream, and cry..but most importantly for helping me to see what a truly wonderful gift I have sitting in front of me that I need to enjoy!!! I will continue to try to write as much as I can, but will probably write less as I enjoy more time with Bentley. Please know that I will continue to think of every one of you always, and send lots of love to you always! Here are a couple pictures from my husband took (please disregard my disarray as I had cried the entire day before). 🙂

Kate and Bentley

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4 Responses to “And today the sun is shining again..”

  1.   mom2shelby Says:

    Sending you love and know that you don’t ever need to respond to me! Be in the moment with Bentley… relish each and every minute together. I had many a night like you are having … wine and my Shelby. I long for those days but I also know that I was so grateful for every one of them.

    I know you are hurting right now and I wish I could give you a hug and take your pain away. Your writing is so similar to my style and feeling and sharing each and every ugly, raw, painful emotion… It helps to write and get it out. Truly. That is why I keep Shelby’s blog up to date even though she has passed. I find it cathartic!

    Your journey is not ending … things are just different. I am glad Bentley is having a good day with you. We will be here for you no matter what. Take your time to be with your best guy!

    Hugs and love!
    Alison & her Shelby fur-ever in her heart

  2.   benny55 Says:

    Thatwas a beautiful and heartfelt letter dear sweet Kate! And what makes it so magical is the transformation in you!!

    And that transformation is felt by Bentley and your entire beautiful pack. Bentley felt your calm, peaceful and empowered energy and he wanted to be part of that wonderful energy! So he”invited” you and his dogfriendsmup to “his” hill to bathe in the light of your enlightenment!!

    The letter you just wrote asid it ALL to each of us. I know how badly I wanted to respond to each comforting, loving and insightful note I received as my beloved Happy Hannah’s mission here on earth was winding down. I was told, as everyone is telling you…go spend time with Hapoy Hannah…in your case…Magnificent Bentley!! NO ONE wants you taking one second away from your glorious time with Bentley to be on the computer responding to us!!!!!!!!

    You really, really have expressed yourself so eloquently and have mastered so many of the life lessons Bentley came here to teach you just brilliantly! And he’s not done yet!!

    I’m soooooo glad he’s showing you he’s enjoying life just fine! And the pictures were great!, He looks so happy! His weight looks good and he looks very fit! Shhh……don’t tell him he has any health issues…..he won’t believe you anyway! Your whole pack looks great! They ALL definitely have on their pupoy empowerment pants!!

    Remember, we are all with you surrounding you with strength and the POWER OF NOW!! And put that rubber band handy on your bottle of wine just in case you need it!

    Sending you love and big smooches to Bentley!

    Sally and Happy Hannah

  3.   bcullom Says:

    So happy the sun is shining in your life today…..I am sure venting helped get some needed anger, frustration, and pain lifted from your heart today as well. Yes, enjoy this day, enjoy tomorrow, and however many tomorrows there will be, because that is what really matters right now. Lord knows, my entire journey with my precious Polly was waiting for the bottom to fall out, but I treasured every single second with her, every single one…..and yes, that bottom did fall out, but I can look back and say, we definitely treasured our time completely…….God I miss her……

    Keep a light heart, plenty of love in it, and give Bentley and the rest of your crew hugs galore…..they are living in the moment and moments…..remember, we all are here for you…..

    Bonnie & Angel Polly

  4.   Michelle Says:

    Be with Bentley. I know how you want to write to each one of us but what you just did was good enough. There will be plenty of time to write but not enough time to spend with him. Just enjoy each and every minute. There may be ups & downs but he will tell you when its time and that isn’t right now.

    Enjoy that wine and his hill with him 🙂

    I know I treasured every single minute with Sassy (even the stolen ones when I was supposed to be working and I would sneak off to give her a hugs or just pet her)

    Michelle & Angel Sassy

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